This is my scattered effort to relay some news and to also process a bit of the last two years for friends who care to know! I always regret that I am not better at logging my experiences, as I think it's useful. However, I tend to be busy living! Maybe with this third or fourth attempt at a blog, I will actually be better at it :)...
Today, I slow down to pack up my few belongings for the next adventure in life. Since my 9 month contract ended in June, I have tried to embrace my freedom to explore at full speed. Banff. The Olympics. The North Cascades. Mt Rainier. Seattle. Dinners with friends. Tomorrow a trip to Oregon. Whew. I am continuously thankful to have the flexibility to do all these things, and I wouldn't be going so crazy with adventures (perhaps), except I am moving.
Two years ago I also was pulling together the few things I owned and taking my good-bye tour in Arkansas and Oklahoma, the places I had called "home" all my life, with the exception of my 10 month stint in Moscow, Russia teaching English. Two years ago, I needed to embrace an adventure that felt quite scary but really exciting to me. I would leave the people and places I considered "home" to hopefully find these things anew in Tacoma, Washington.
I was in a period in life where I felt that I needed to go, even if I did not quite fully understand why. There were things I had to learn and experience, and I personally could not fulfill this in Fayetteville at the time, as much as I loved it there.
As I pulled out of AR, my car over-packed on a hot summer day in August, I left with a numbness to what was behind and ahead. My dad would go with me to help me settle in. We would stop along the way in Colorado (a place I had visited before), Wyoming, and Idaho. As we entered each destination, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of our country and amazed by how long I had gone without spending time in these places.
The beauty of the drive distracted me from what was to come. My dad would leave after a few days in the PNW, and I would be left alone, thousands of miles away from my people and my places. I would need to make new ones. And, that is what I did. I found a church I loved, Soma. I found a running group, Tacoma Runners, where I made many unexpected friendships. I even joined online groups to get connected to other hikers and runners in the area. I got together with strangers for adventures and somehow randomly met a gal on the trail while I was out on a run; she is now a dear friend. It was a time of putting myself out there, and really God was faithful to provide.
My time in Tacoma ended up being an opportunity to meet dear friends, to fall more in love with nature and adventures, to learn more about who God is, and to learn more about myself. I will forever look back on my time in Tacoma with warmness and gratitude. Still, as human nature might have it, I did feel a sense of discontentment while here, and I continued to ask God a lot of "why's" in regards to my life. "Why do you have me here?" "What's my purpose?" "What's the point in what I am doing?" "Will I always be journeying alone?" "God, are you there?" "If so, why do so many reject you?"
Yet, as Soren Kierkegaard wrote, "Life can only be understood backward but must be lived forward." Looking back at the last 2 years in Tacoma, I can see how much God has loved me; he has set my heart on fire to come alive in ways I didn't know it could. He knew me better; he knew my needs. He knew how to help me in my struggles to understand Him in this world we live in. It's a painful, hard, and beautiful place. How tempted I am to try to fight for what I feel entitled to in it. How anxious I am to live ferociously forward in a way in which I think will be meaningful for myself. How I use this as a way to cope with the uncertainties of life. I so often forget that it is so much more than this and now, me and you. And in this forgetfulness, I search on for something only God can fulfill.
I've been asked by many about what my "plan" is in life. To be quite honest, the best plan I have right now is to be present with the people and places I am so fortunate to encounter each day, to try to walk in faith and listening, and to live in remembrance of what matters so as to stop chasing after things I think will make me happy.
I am not 100% sure that moving from Tacoma is the best move, but it is what I have committed to do this next year. With bitter-sweetness, I move onward to Colorado Springs for the next 9 month contract. I tell people I don't know how long I can stay way from the PNW or that maybe I'll end up back in my first love, Arkansas, but currently, I am excited to be driving distance from family. On August 4th, I will roll out of Tacoma, setting forth on a sister road trip with Laura, my niece Hazel Jane, and Tallulah the dog through some of our national parks and into a new chapter in Colorado.
Similar to when leaving AR, I'm nervous about meeting people who compare to the ones I've met in Washington. Yet, as I have learned, there are great people everywhere. I know I will miss the romantically lush forest of the PNW, how the rain peacefully drips from branch to branch before hitting my hood when I am out on the trails. I'll yearn to gaze at Mt. Rainier from the parking lot of Target and to see the seals popping up in Puget Sound as I go on a run or walk with Tallulah on Ruston Way. However, I believe one can find beauty where ever he/she goes. I can't help but look forward to the life yet to come, as I know there is a meaning in it all, way bigger than me.
Today, I slow down to pack up my few belongings for the next adventure in life. Since my 9 month contract ended in June, I have tried to embrace my freedom to explore at full speed. Banff. The Olympics. The North Cascades. Mt Rainier. Seattle. Dinners with friends. Tomorrow a trip to Oregon. Whew. I am continuously thankful to have the flexibility to do all these things, and I wouldn't be going so crazy with adventures (perhaps), except I am moving.
Two years ago I also was pulling together the few things I owned and taking my good-bye tour in Arkansas and Oklahoma, the places I had called "home" all my life, with the exception of my 10 month stint in Moscow, Russia teaching English. Two years ago, I needed to embrace an adventure that felt quite scary but really exciting to me. I would leave the people and places I considered "home" to hopefully find these things anew in Tacoma, Washington.
I was in a period in life where I felt that I needed to go, even if I did not quite fully understand why. There were things I had to learn and experience, and I personally could not fulfill this in Fayetteville at the time, as much as I loved it there.
As I pulled out of AR, my car over-packed on a hot summer day in August, I left with a numbness to what was behind and ahead. My dad would go with me to help me settle in. We would stop along the way in Colorado (a place I had visited before), Wyoming, and Idaho. As we entered each destination, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of our country and amazed by how long I had gone without spending time in these places.
The beauty of the drive distracted me from what was to come. My dad would leave after a few days in the PNW, and I would be left alone, thousands of miles away from my people and my places. I would need to make new ones. And, that is what I did. I found a church I loved, Soma. I found a running group, Tacoma Runners, where I made many unexpected friendships. I even joined online groups to get connected to other hikers and runners in the area. I got together with strangers for adventures and somehow randomly met a gal on the trail while I was out on a run; she is now a dear friend. It was a time of putting myself out there, and really God was faithful to provide.
My time in Tacoma ended up being an opportunity to meet dear friends, to fall more in love with nature and adventures, to learn more about who God is, and to learn more about myself. I will forever look back on my time in Tacoma with warmness and gratitude. Still, as human nature might have it, I did feel a sense of discontentment while here, and I continued to ask God a lot of "why's" in regards to my life. "Why do you have me here?" "What's my purpose?" "What's the point in what I am doing?" "Will I always be journeying alone?" "God, are you there?" "If so, why do so many reject you?"
Yet, as Soren Kierkegaard wrote, "Life can only be understood backward but must be lived forward." Looking back at the last 2 years in Tacoma, I can see how much God has loved me; he has set my heart on fire to come alive in ways I didn't know it could. He knew me better; he knew my needs. He knew how to help me in my struggles to understand Him in this world we live in. It's a painful, hard, and beautiful place. How tempted I am to try to fight for what I feel entitled to in it. How anxious I am to live ferociously forward in a way in which I think will be meaningful for myself. How I use this as a way to cope with the uncertainties of life. I so often forget that it is so much more than this and now, me and you. And in this forgetfulness, I search on for something only God can fulfill.
I've been asked by many about what my "plan" is in life. To be quite honest, the best plan I have right now is to be present with the people and places I am so fortunate to encounter each day, to try to walk in faith and listening, and to live in remembrance of what matters so as to stop chasing after things I think will make me happy.
I am not 100% sure that moving from Tacoma is the best move, but it is what I have committed to do this next year. With bitter-sweetness, I move onward to Colorado Springs for the next 9 month contract. I tell people I don't know how long I can stay way from the PNW or that maybe I'll end up back in my first love, Arkansas, but currently, I am excited to be driving distance from family. On August 4th, I will roll out of Tacoma, setting forth on a sister road trip with Laura, my niece Hazel Jane, and Tallulah the dog through some of our national parks and into a new chapter in Colorado.
Similar to when leaving AR, I'm nervous about meeting people who compare to the ones I've met in Washington. Yet, as I have learned, there are great people everywhere. I know I will miss the romantically lush forest of the PNW, how the rain peacefully drips from branch to branch before hitting my hood when I am out on the trails. I'll yearn to gaze at Mt. Rainier from the parking lot of Target and to see the seals popping up in Puget Sound as I go on a run or walk with Tallulah on Ruston Way. However, I believe one can find beauty where ever he/she goes. I can't help but look forward to the life yet to come, as I know there is a meaning in it all, way bigger than me.
